I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
