He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
