We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
