she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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