I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
