I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
