some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
