but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
