Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
