I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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