theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
