I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
