Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
