bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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