she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
