wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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