did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
