i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
