the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
