my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
