i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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