After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
