I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
