i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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