...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it's great music for shaving your balls
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
