The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
