it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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