I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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