no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
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I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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