If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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