she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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