apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
