I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
