i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
