Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
