Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
