I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
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Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
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I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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