im about as happy as oj after his trial
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
