He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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