i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
