Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
