when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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