the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
