There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
