I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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