Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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