I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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