we were pretty classy up until the second keg
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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