Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
