She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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