This is not my ceiling
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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