How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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