we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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