Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?