Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running