Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?