Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants