She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"