We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
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His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.