How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath