Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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