You just made me feel so damn special
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My balls are so social today.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize