Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
