Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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