careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
