awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
