he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
