I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
