I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
