NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
