I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
