I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
