so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
