All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
