so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
my poor anus
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
