i love accidental penises.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
