I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize