YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
