Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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